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|Create Date||November 25, 2015|
|The Ballad of Matthew Smith - kindle edition|
The Ballad of Matthew Smith
1 - The Off Licence
You know your day is going badly when you hope to get on the wrong side of a violent armed raid.
For reasons too mundane to warrant a prologue, Matthew Smith found himself with a 10 (for the price of 8) pack of Heineken in his hands when two fancy dress plumbers crashed into Frank's Outdoor waving their tools in a manner which suggested they may not be bona fide tradesmen. Straddling the line between heroism and stupidity, Matthew hefted the ten (for the price of 8) pack and lobbed it towards them, Donkey Kong style. At least, in his mind it was Donkey Kong style; in truth it was certainly more donkey than Kong. In any event he epically failed to stop what he now - against all natural instincts - hoped was an armed raid, and made a mess of the central display. The local wine feature was now more of an advertisement for the spill containing properties of Hungry Brand Pork Scratchings.
One of the robbers turned on him then; Matthew got an extreme close up of the business end of a pipe wrench before his vision folded up into incomprehensible flashes of blue and yellow, and the next thing he knew he was on the floor, in a pool of broken glass and blood.
After that, things got really weird.